Do opposites attract makes a good relationship?
Is it true that we are often attracted to people who are the direct opposites of who we are? Or is it a case of birds of a feather, flock together? And how do these issues relate to the topic of marriage or relationship? I say, they are crucial in the make or break of a relationship.
A married couple may share the same bed, the same roof and the same last name; but it must be said that they are two different individuals — own thoughts, feelings, priorities, interests among other things. So how is it possible to unite two separate personalities and make the relationship or marriage last?
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Just like any other human endeavors such as pursuing career advancements or personal talents or hobbies, marriage also requires a certain level of commitment and determination to reach your goal. Along the way, there would be disappointments, heartaches and loads of mistakes.
But that’s okay because at the end of the day, you’ll know that you’re living it. Putting in your heart and soul into it. Taking the risk of being burnt because we all know there’s no guarantee in any relationship. No one can be absolutely sure that either party in that relationship would feel the same way about each other a few years down the road. We all know too well that people will change and feelings can
change too.
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Marriage has its fair share of battles and triumphs. For most of us, we bear the scars to show for it. So, it must be said that crises in marriage are real and common to any married couple. When you face challenges in your marriage, how do you handle it? How you and your partner respond to the crisis will determine the survival of your marriage or its demise.
Crises in a marriage can be caused by various factors like the lack of communication; lack of common interests; over commitment to outside interests; career interference; infidelity; indifferent attitudes towards your partner; just to name a few.
Any single one of these factors or a combination of them could prove to be fatal to any relationship.
Communication
There could not be enough emphasis on the importance of communication in a relationship. Couples who can’t communicate on some level are heading for disaster. If a couple can’t share the same goals, interests, desires or common activities, they may not be particularly well-suited for each other.
“My spouse or partner doesn’t understand me…” This may be the common retort when asked what the existing problem is. How would you expect your partner to understand when you never talk to your partner about anything? Is this really a fair comment?
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Sure, if it was a half century past, the excuse of not having enough time to sit down and talk with your partner may stand. But in this technologically advanced world we’re living in, there are countless ways of communicating even if you’re both at opposite ends of the world. All you gotta do, is pickup your trusted mobile smart phones, laptops, iPods, and you’re connected. What other excuse is there?
Couples should make an effort to discuss and share about issues not only relating to family. They could talk about their plans for their kids, future vacations, and their home. They could try to “hang out” together as much as possible.
Common Interests
Couples who share common interests have common ground that binds them together. That interest could be in the form of children, hobbies, sports or outdoor activities.
Marital or relationship crises emerge when the man busies himself with his buddies just hanging out. And the woman spends her time with the children alone or with her own friends. They only share couple time together in bed when they go to sleep at night.
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To make matters worse, they have their own careers and circle of friends. So, at which point do their lives merge? These couples may even have forgotten why they got married in the first place. They do not give their relationship a chance to develop beyond the initial physical attraction.
While careers may contribute financial stability in the marriage, they often lead couples in opposite directions. In the long run, the strain in the relationship may develop. One remedy is to ensure that the couple engage themselves in mutual activities every week.
Marital Infidelity
When a couple lives together, they begin to get too comfortable with each other.
Let me try to elaborate. In the mornings, a couple gets out of bed. The wife prepares breakfast whilst still in her robes with hair in disarray, and the man leaves home with that image of her intact in his memory. He arrives in the office and meets up with female colleagues who are dressed to impress. More often than not, there will be exchanges of cheery morning greetings.
It is not surprising a man may develop an interest in the women he works with, who are often in their best social behaviors. At this point, it does not take much for the interest to evolve into something more. A business lunch, a few drinks after work, and the bait are set.
Unless a man or woman has the strong-will or common sense enough to avoid any emotional entanglements at work, it is doomed. It would be smart for anyone who is committed in a relationship to focus on their home, mate and family. This would ensure they won’t go astray. It is advisable for both partners to try and spend time with each other when they are groomed at their best.
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Indifference
It is not uncommon to hear complaints from anyone who’s facing marital or relationship crisis that their partners are indifferent towards them. Whether actual or imagined, the crisis it causes is very real.
This indifference goes back to the issue of lack of communication, common interests or the hanky-pinky going on in the office. Then it comes back to the couple to establish the relationship based on open communication and work on intimacy with each other.
After all that is said, it is of utmost importance that both partners participate actively in working on their relationship. If all effort falls on only one party, then it’s time to reassess on how important the relationship is to both partners and where it stands. And as I’ve mentioned previously, it is always good to open up to professional counseling if all attempts fail.
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